Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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