I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
