question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
