Me too!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
