I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
PS: I just woke up from my shower
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
