You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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