He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
