I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
