what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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