Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
