Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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