All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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