I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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