there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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