i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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