I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
