Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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