Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
