Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
