Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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