watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
