I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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