I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize