ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I looked at my own cervix.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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