I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
