The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
