just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
