god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
