yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
