It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Someone signed my nipple.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
