so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
