Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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