He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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