Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
