i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
