Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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