if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i now understand why vodka
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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