Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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