We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
