I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
did i walk over a car last night?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
