Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
