I bet he comes in French.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
