he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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