eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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