all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
