it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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