she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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