Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
