Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
