I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
we're making bets on your personal life
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
