Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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