Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
