Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
