i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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