but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
