I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
