how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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