Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
