apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
ok first of all what the fuck
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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