You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
