Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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