My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize