Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
