my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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