worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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