The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize