Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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