So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
