no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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