I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
